and not the fun kind.
i’m insecure, he’s exhausted and unresponsive. i need reassurance that i’m what he wants, but he apparently doesn’t have it in him to actively want anything. it’s the same shit, isn’t it? the same thing that made me need to go crazy over a strange wild man, the same thing that can so easily make him seem… well, dull.
i need to be shown any sort of feelings or desire, or i start to lose faith.
don’t want to fuck this up again. not sure what else to say.
up until very recently, i wasn’t convinced that i would ever want, like, or be able to handle having things up my butt.
but somewhere close to two tabs of e later, it turns out that yes, yes, and yes, anal is pretty fucking cool.
that’s all i have to say about it for now.
other news:
dishboy is gone. i have occasional pangs of missing him, but i’m mostly at peace with the beautiful memory of all the craziness we shared.
the husband and i are… well, it feels like we’re on the way to things being better than they ever have been. there’s a lot of talking and work to be done. we might be going monogamous for a while to get our heads on straight and build a strong foundation. i have come to the conclusion that i love him so much it’s a little intimidating.
